Never Let You Go
by CollegeCyns
Summary: Edward and Evan Masen, the closest twins you'll ever meet.One was Yin, the other was Yang. Without one, the other would be left unbalanced. What do you do when your twin/best friend is taken from you? What do you do when you can feel your heart crumbling?


**A/N: Hi, Cyn here. I've had a few friends read this and they gave me the thumbs up. So I decided to post it. I apologive in advance, I seem to only be able to write sad stories. This was one of my favorites to write. It's pretty damn long, sorry. :)**

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**EPOV**

**October 2009**

Something didn't feel right today. Something was off. I was restless all day. I even considered calling home to see what he was up to. If he was around. He was the only one I could talk to for more than a few minutes.

I didn't like calling home much. I would call every big important holiday and birthdays, if only for a few minutes. Then I would make up an excuse to have to get off the phone. It's not that I have a bad relationship with my parents. We just didn't see eye to eye on most things. They would never say it to my face but I knew that I disappointed them. I wasn't the big shot lawyer or detective my father wanted me to be. The man had my life all planned out before I was even born.

He was so disappointed when he found out I had no interest in becoming a high and mighty Detective or taking over the family business as a hotshot lawyer. My mom loved my father a lot, but she would never push us towards something we didn't want to do. She encouraged our decisions no matter how much she didn't agree with them. My parents were ecstatic when they found out they were expecting twin boys. My dad planned out our lives. I would be the next lawyer in the Masen family business and my brother would be the Detective.

I had no interest in becoming a lawyer. My passion was music. When I was three I started playing the piano. At age five I was playing the guitar. When I was seven I added drums to the list. My mom had me and my brother take piano and guitar lessons. Our teacher Mrs. Jack had said I was a natural while it took my brother a little bit longer to get the hang of it. But nonetheless we both learned and music became a way for us to express ourselves. Music never became my life because it was my life since the first day my mom put headphones on her belly when she was pregnant with us and played the Beatles. My brother wasn't obsessed like I was. He became that detective my parents wished for.

We were born June 20, 1985, He was my twin but he was also my younger brother. I was older by 3 minutes and 14 seconds. My mom always told me to look after him because he was younger and because he was likely to get into trouble. I took my role as an older brother seriously. But because he was who he was, he always made it easy for me to back him up or get him out of trouble. I was always there in the nick of time when he needed me. It was weird because most of the time I didn't know where he was. It was like I had radar made specifically for him. It was that weird Twin Sync shit. My parents shit a brick when they found out we both had gotten tattoos. We got matching tattoos. I got Yin and he got Yang. Put us together and you had perfect balance. I loved the night while he loved the day. I would be lost without my brother. I was always bailing him out of trouble But to be honest I didn't mind, because he is a great younger brother to have.

He understood me, as much as he could. He was the peacemaker at the house when I had had enough with my dad's incessant pushing on becoming more focused on my studying and checking out expensive universities and great law schools. I was hotheaded and with my dad's pushing, it didn't take long for me to snap. My brother was the one pushing me out the back door and keeping me outside until I had chilled out. We were very well off my grandfather leaving us a hefty trust fund for each of us to do what we wanted with it. So when I turned eighteen I packed my stuff all day. In the middle of the night I loaded up my car, and I got the hell out of there. I had packed my clothes, My guitar, some pictures,my camera and old videos, my laptop, some books, my sketchpad, Cd's and movies. I was leaving two important things behind. My brother and my heart. I hadn't even told Bella I was leaving, it being a last minute decision and all. I was hoping and praying that she would forgive me.

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_Right as I was shutting the door to my room my brother appeared out of nowhere with a sad smile._

_"Finally pulled the last string didn't he?" I nodded still a little shaken up._

_"I knew it would happen eventually. The old man can really push but he needs to learn that you're a rock that can't be moved." He whispered. He grabbed one of the duffle bags that I had on my shoulder. "Let me help you." He turned and headed for the stairs._

_I took one last sweeping look at my room. I was gonna miss being able to walk a few steps to my brother's room and just hang out with him. I closed the door and ran down the steps as quietly as I could. When I got to my car I laid my duffle bag on the passenger seat and dug through it. I fished out my old worn black hoodie and pulled out two bracelets. One was the wooden bracelet that had all the saints on them that our mom gave me when I was ten and the other was our twin bracelet. They were bead bracelets made for us at a fair that our parents took us to when we were six. One was black and green and said Edward. The other was blue and red and said Evan. We wore them everyday since the day we got them, until the day I was pissed at my brother and mom and lied about losing them. I've had them hidden in my dresser drawer. He was leaning on the driver's side door. I slowly walked up to him staring at the bracelet in my hand. _

_"Whatcha got there?" I looked up and softly smiled at his curious expression._

_"You look like a dog when you do that head thing." He rolled his eyes and smiled. "Always with the compliments. I'm so touched by your kind words, big brother." He deadpanned._

_I laughed and slapped his hand, holding onto it and pulling him in for a hug. We gave each other those pats on the back that guys do in man hugs. "Do what I can't and make mom and dad proud." I said with another clap to his back._

_"I will. Call me on the way and when you get to where you're going. Don't become a stranger, dude. Let me know you're alive every once in a while." I nodded and pulled back clenching my fist around his. I turned his hand sideways and let the bracelet drop into his hand and covered it with my other hand._

_"I will. I, knuckle swear." I locked my eyes with his so he could tell that I meant what I said. His green eyes searched my face for a moment before he smiled and nodded. " 'Kay." and he bumped his knuckles with mine._

_I smirked and dropped my hands. He looked down at the bracelet I dropped in his hand. His eyes grew wide. "You said you lost them when you were out at the beach with Bella." I remembered seeing his frown when I had told my mom. I shrugged. "I lied. I could never lose something so important." He smiled sheepishly and ducked his head putting the bracelet that said my name on his wrist.. His shaggy bronze hair falling onto his face. I mussed his hair._

_"I want you to have this too. It'll keep you safe since I won't be able to." I placed my wooden bracelet in his palm. He nodded and took off his wooden cross pendant our mom had given him._

_"I want you to take this then, because you're gonna need someone to keep you outta trouble, have your back and keep you safe." I took it and put it on just as he had done with my two bracelets. I placed his Evan bracelet on my left wrist. He put my bracelets on his right wrist because he was a lefty._

_I threw on my hoodie and hugged my brother again. "Call me. For anything. I don't care how small the problem is. I'll be here. I got your back little bro." He nodded. "Same goes for you."_

_We pulled back, I got into my black Volvo and started it up. He came up to the driver side and we slapped hands, and bumped our fists three times; just like we used to when we were kids. "We still got it, bro." He grinned. " Love you Ed, I'm gonna miss you keeping me outta trouble."_

_"Love you too, Ev. And yeah I'm gonna miss you too. Remember: Twins can always sense the other's distress. Become great, bro, I know you can. Promise me to Take care and be safe," He nodded. "I Promise. I knuckle swear." I grinned._

_"See you soon." He nodded and ducked out of my window. I backed out the long driveway and waved. _

_"See you soon!" He waved back as I drove off._

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Needless to say my dad was pissed I upped and left. But Evan got him to see that it was his own fault that he drove me away. My mom cried and cried over the fact that I abruptly left. Evan got her to calm down and eventually came to peace with the fact that I moved several states away from them. I ended up moving to New York, went to NYU majored in Music and by my 23rd birthday opened up a recording studio and created a new label with my mentor and business partner Carlisle Cullen. A man I trusted with my life. When I first moved out here when I was eighteen He and his wife Esme took me in as a second son. I had my own place but more often than not I would be invited over for dinner and they took care of me. They had a son named Emmett who was a senior in high school at the time. He was a pretty cool kid but he made me miss my brother.

I kept in contact with Evan. We talked every other day. I knew he went on to Dartmouth and graduated top of his class with honors. He also went to train for the police when the FBI approached him and offered him a position with them. He became one of the youngest Detectives they've ever had. I was proud of my brother. I flew him out to New York for the weekend and took him out to drink. My brother as I had known him had changed. He was still the same on the inside but the changes were more prominent on the outside. His once boyish face had grew into a more manly face, the boyish features had faded and his hair was cut to a shorter more neat length.

I saw him again a few months later. He was enjoying his job. He was great at it. He was that Hotshot FBI Detective my Dad had always hoped for. He looked more professional and ...he looked like the older brother.

My twin brother had grown up.

That kid that had my face, the one that used to get into fights and get high on the soccer field was nowhere to be found. The only way I knew that this man was the brother I remember was because of the scar on his chin. Where, in a bad scuffle we had gotten into, he had been pushed and busted his chin open with the window he crashed into. Needless to say, I kicked the shit out of the guy that put a hand on my brother.

I've only seen my brother on Christmas, Thanksgiving and our Birthday for the past six years. I occasionally see Bella too. She was our best friend growing up. We were a couple for a few years, I loved Bella alot she was my everything, but we agreed to break up when she found out that I had moved several states away. We've stayed close friends but I've never actually got to have one of our heart to heart talks with her since I was eighteen. With my brother, I've had bad feelings before they were mostly when he was in trouble or something was wrong. I could feel it. His pain was mine. and Vice Versa.

I would call him as soon as I could after. Sometimes he would be at the hospital for getting clipped on the job other times it was because he was having a bad day. He would reassure me, We would talk for a while then we would hang up and call again a few days later. I really needed to see him again and soon especially after a feeling like this. I need to be reassured about his safety. The last time I saw him was when he came to visit on our birthday weekend. Which was 3 months ago.

Today was a terrible day. Nothing was going right. It was the worst day I ever had. I was swamped at work and there was this nagging feeling in my chest that something wasn't right. It was like one of those feelings where you just _know_ something bad is about to happen. That night I had a dream, more like a flashback of one of my memories from when me and Evan were kids.

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_"Come on Eddie! I wanna play Cops and Robbers before it's time to go in!" Evan ran to our tree house and got his huge water gun. I grinned._

_"Ok! But I get to be the Robber with Bells this time!" I grabbed Bella and tugged her with me, trying to put as much distance between us and Evan as possible._

_"Okay but only because you really suck at being a cop." He put on a show of showing his non-existent muscles. "You have to have your own guuuns." he growled hunching over still trying to show off his muscles that weren't there._

_Bella giggled. "Evs, you don't have your own guns. You got a super soaker your mom got for you." I laughed with her. Evan pouted._

_"Aw bells, why you gotta crush my dream?" _

_We stopped laughing and she shrugged and apologized._

_"Sorry Evs!" He smiled._

_"Watch you guys, One day I'm gonna be a Huge, Famous FBI Agent! Like Johnny Utah!" He stared off with a wistful look in his eyes. I beamed at Bella knowing that my brother would become great one day. She grinned back._

_"...And I'm gonna have big Guuuuuuns too!" He growled again hunching over and bending his arms to show his bony upper arms. Roaring with laughter me and Bella ran off while he chased us._

_Because we were half ninja turtle, a quarter monkey and another quarter hyper kids, we managed to jump over obstacles and climb walls like they weren't even in our way._

_"No fair you guys! I can't climb as fast as you guys 'cause i'm carrying the Super Soaker!" Evan stomped._

_"Better stop munching on those doughnuts than Evvie. Seven years old and you can't even keep up with us now!" I laughed and he stuck his tongue out at me soaking me with his gun. "Ah! That's cold Evan!"_

_"If you wanna keep up with us copper you better lose the gun...old maaaaaaaaan." Bella started running towards the tree house. I ran after her and Evan ran after us. _

_She climbed the tree and hung upside down from one of the branches wrapping her arms and legs around the thick branch. I sat on the branch next to her with my legs hanging down. Evan sat on the top of the trunk. The sun was going down and we could already see the Moon._

_"Let's tell scary stories!" Bella shouted randomly._

_"Yeah!" Evan drummed on the trunk._

_"Okay, I got a story. My dad told me at dinner the other night. My big cousin Peter graduated from High School, you know where the old people go! Anyways he has to go to this place called College, It's far from here and he's gotta live by himself and go to school and make his own food. His mom and dad can't go, they're too old." I told them solemnly._

_Evan's eyes were huge and filled with tears. "Really!He lives by himself? What about at night? Isn't he scared of the dark? I am! The boogie monster comes out at night! I don't wanna leave mommy and daddy. I'll miss them! Do I have to go to college Eddie?" His voice squeaked._

_I thought about it. "Nah Evvie. You don't have to, if you don't wanna." I patted his shoulder._

_"Wow! I'm never gonna leave my mommy and daddy! I'll take them with me and we can live together at college." Bella said seriously._

_The backdoor opened and the kitchen light shot out into the darkening backyard. "Come on, kids. Time to come in, you can play again tomorrow, It's getting dark out. Mrs. Swan and I made chocolate chip cookies." Mom said as she held the door open for us. We beamed at each other before jumping down and running to the back door._

_"Wait for me guys!" Evan had to climb down slowly, he was scared of falling. I was halfway there when I stopped and waited for Evan to catch up. I grabbed his arm and lightly tugged him towards the door._

_"Cookies!" Bella squealed as she jumped up and down in front of her mom._

_"Come on Evvie." I pulled him through the back door and mom smiled at me, ruffling my hair as I passed._

_"Such a good big brother you are, Eddie. You get an extra cookie for that." I grinned shyly at my mom._

_We sat at the dining table with our cookies and milk in front of us, talking about the newest Power Rangers episode. Mom leaned down and kissed both of our foreheads and Bella's before sitting down next to Bella's mom. Evan stopped mid-chew and leaned over to give my mom a big hug._

_"I'm never gonna leave you mommy. If I havta go to college I'm taking you and daddy and Eddie and Bells and her mommy and daddy! I don't wanna live by myself and make my own breakfast in the morning." Mom and Bella's mom laughed. My mom leaned down to kiss his hair and hugged him tightly._

_"Ok Evvie, We'll all live together, when you go to college. You silly boy." Evan Beamed at her._

_"Really!" She nodded._

_"Yes! and you can make me cookies in the morning too!" My mom raised an eyebrow at him while Bella's mom guffawed and Evan shrunk in his seat. "If you want to mommy." He added softly._

_She laughed heartily and shook her head at Bella's mom. "These kids are going to drive me nuts, Renee."_

_Bella's mom, Renee, smirked her fingers through Bella's hair as she munched on her cookie. "They already have, Esme." Mom's jaw dropped as she gasped/laughed. She swatted her on the arm. Me, Bella and Evan all looked at each other questioningly._

_Mommy was nuts?_

_"Mommy you're crazy? Does Daddy know?" Evan asked. All three of us looked at our moms', who abruptly started laughing again. _

_" Oh god, now they're going to tell their fathers' that I'm crazy! Nothing gets past these kids." Mom laughed gleefully._

_We all shrugged at our non-answer. Well at least she wasn't scary crazy like Ms. Miller down the street. She talked to her cats and screamed at us when Evan accidentally squirted her with his water gun._

_" Alright boys, Finish up your cookies, Say goodnight to your daddy, Bella and the Swans', and wait for your bath." We groaned when she said bath. I was hoping she would forget by using the jedi mind trick I saw on Star Wars, on her. Dumb Jedi power, it doesn't work!_

_We munched on our last cookie and finished our milk. I gave Mrs. Swan a kiss on the cheek and a hug then gave bella a big hug and promised to play with her again tomorrow. She nodded sleepily at me and kissed my cheek. Evan mirrored me._

_I ran to the living room with Evan trailing behind, our dad and Mr. Swan were watching a shooting movie on Tv. Mom said we weren't allowed to watch those kind of movies 'cause they were too violent. But sometimes daddy would let us watch with him when mommy was grocery shopping with Mrs. Swan. We were told to not tell mommy 'cause she would get mad._

_"'Night Mr. Swan, Night Dad." I hugged them both and kissed my dad's cheek. Again Evan did the same. _

_"Night Jr., Night Evvie." My dad smiled at us. "Night boys." Mr. Swan said. We waved and walked to the foyer. _

_Mr. Swan smiled at us and stood up as Mrs. Swan, mommy and Bella walked into the foyer. _

_"I guess that's my cue to head home. See you for the big game on Saturday! Giants Vs. Mariners." He walked over to pick up Bella into his arms. She reached out to give my mom and dad a hug goodbye before slumping sleepily against her dad's shoulders. Me and Evan stood at the bottom of the stairs. Our mom hugged Renee and Charlie. My dad pecked Renee's cheek and shook Charlie's hand and led them out the door._

_Mom turned to us. "Bath time, boys. Go on." Mom shooed us upstairs._

_Mom gave us each our bath and then we got into our jammies. Mom tucked us each into our Race Car beds. Mine was Blue with Ninja Turtles bed spread and Evan's was red with Power Rangers as his bedspread. She closed the closet door and turned on Evan's Power Ranger Night light. _

_She kissed my forehead. "Goodnight Leonardo," I reached up to kiss her cheek. "Night mom."_

_She walked over to Evan's and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight Red Ranger," He kissed her cheek._

_"Night mommy!"_

_She turned on The Beatles and lowered the volume til it was playing softly. Their songs were our lullaby. _

_She left the room and Evan turned to me._

_"You really are a good big brother Eddie. Thanks for being there for me. As long as you're around I'll always be safe right? And I promise to protect you too so that we can grow up and be best friends and live forever." I smiled and turned to stare at the ceiling._

_"Yeah Evvie. You'll always be safe with me. I promise too, We'll live forever and ever. You're a good twin brother Evvie. The best ever. Don't you forget that. Night Evs, sweet dreams."_

_"Thanks, Eddie. You too, Night."_

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**October 23, 2009**

But the end wasn't right. His words were different from what I remembered. I was suddenly twenty-four again and he was still seven years old. He was saying bye, We've never said bye to eachother. He said he was sorry that he didn't keep his promise, that I was a great older brother, the best he could ever have had, and that he would definitely miss me.

"I hope I did you proud.I Love You Big Bro. I'll be seeing you." with that he walked away and faded.

"Wait What do you mean you'll miss me? Where are you going? EVAN? EV? EVAN!" I yelled out for him. But he didn't come back.

I woke up sweating and panting. The nagging gut wrenching feeling a hundred times worse now. I saw that it was time for me to get up. So as I showered I tried to shake off the dream and decided to call Evan after work to reassure myself that the dream was nothing but a dream.

The bad day continued and the feeling never went away. I went out to drink for a few hours trying to shake off the feeling I had. I got home around 10pm. Only when I got home and checked my messages on my house phone, which I rarely did because I had a cell phone, did I realize that something was very wrong.

_You Have 6 new messages._

_Message 1: Hey Edward, It's Carlisle. Don't worry about coming in on Monday the 26th. We have Jasper putting in extra hours. See you at the studio. _

_Message 2: Hey Big bro, so I called to see if you were up to a visit. I have vacation days coming up and I was wondering if we could hang out for a while I miss you, bro. Love ya Ed. Call me when you get a chance. _

I grinned,Evan's coming to visit! I listened for the date and time of the message. Wednesday, October 21st. A few days ago.

_Message 3: Hey Ed! It's Jazz, Dude I got some concert tickets to go see Jimmy Eat World. Wait I'll just call your cell! HA!_

Idiot.

_Message 4: Edward, It's Bella. Call me as soon as you get this voice mail. It's urgent. It's about Evan._

Bella? Evan? What about Evan?The message is from earlier today.

_Message 5: Edward,It's mom. It's urgent Call me as soon as you get this message please. It's your brother._

It cut off just as she started to cry. What the fuck is going on?

_Message 6: Edward, son come home. It's Evan. He's... call me please. Just...please Edward._

My dad never pleaded. And what's wrong with Evan?

I grabbed my cell from my pocket and dialed Evan's number but he didn't pick up. I called his number twice more but it kept going straight to voice mail.

_Hey this is Evan, Leave me a message and i'll get back at ...Beep..._

I shook my head running my hand through my hair and tugging at the end. I settled for calling my mother instead. She always picked up when it was me calling. I didn't call her enough so when I did she got extremely happy. Or so Evan claimed.

My front door opened abruptly and in came Jasper, his fiancee Alice, Emmett and his girlfriend Rosalie. They usually popped in around this time. Seeing as today was **Friday **it was our late late night, movie night and they usually ended up passing out on my couches.

"Hey Edward! Carlisle get you my message?" Jasper shouted as he walked into my kitchen getting drinks for everyone. Em and Rose waved at me as they sat on my couch and turned on the TV. "Yeah,I got it. Thanks for that, I could use a day off."

"I'm feeling like a JEW so you don't mind if I play some JEW, do you Edward?" Alice got up and walked towards my Cd's. I shook my head "Nah, go ahead." She skimmed all my Cd's until she found my old Jimmy Eat World cd and put it in. Bleed American started playing.

"Hold on guys I gotta call my mom real quick." I walked over to the window to get a little more privacy and dialed my mom's number. I started tapping my foot, anxiety wasn't my friend. The dread in the pit of my stomach was gnawing at my insides, I didn't feel good at all. I felt like I was going to puke. My heart was going too fast I could feel it pounding in my ears. I bent over a bit resting my arm on the wall and leaning my head on it, trying to correct my breathing I caught a glimpse of the time. **10:43pm**

"He-hello?" The voice on the other line cracked. I knew that voice but it wasn't my mother's.

"Bella? What are you doing pick up my mother's phone? Anyways doesn't matter. What's going on? Something's wrong...I can feel it. What happened to Evan? He's in the hospital again, isn't he? Dammit I told him to be more careful. Fucking Idi-" I was rambling, I did that when I was nervous.

"Ed...Evan's not good. Yeah, he's in the hospital. We've all been here since last night. He was on the job. A drug deal or something. He was undercover something went wrong and he got badly injured. He was shot three times, he wasn't wearing his bulletproof vest, he said it would be too risky if they found out. Edward, one of the shots punctured his Aorta. One of the surgeons came and told us that they were trying their best to repair the damage through surgery. But it isn't good, they say the surgery is dangerous by this point. Edward...I'm worried." I was speechless and as she talked my anxiety increased. The dread increased.

"I- me too bells." she sniffled and I stared at the sky outside. The clouds were gray it was drizzling already. "The doctor's coming, hold on." My heart beat faster.

A few moments passed and I could hear the doctor in the background but I couldn't make out any words.

"Bella...is he going to be ok?" My voice cracked. I sounded close to tears. I was hoping for a yes and he'll make a full recovery too.

But the bloodcurdling screams that I heard in the background told me no. And I hated it.

"NO! EVAN! Not my baby!" The woman in the background screamed. It took me a moment to realize that it was my mother who was screaming.

"Bella? What happened? Bella!" I could feel the panic creeping in and suffocating me. I couldn't breathe. I was tugging at my hair again and pacing by the window. I could feel my friends' eyes watching me.

_No, not him. _

_Not my brother._

"Bella, goddammit what's going on? What did he say?"I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs.

I could hear her crying over the phone. She was sobbing. _Please no._

"Bella...Please, what's going on? Tell me!" I felt the lump in my throat, my heart was pounding, my eyes were burning with unshed tears.

"Edward. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I'm sorry."

My heart was thundering against my rib cage. "What? Why -why are you saying that? Why are you sorry? Bella..."

"Evan didn't make it through the surgery, The damage was too much he died in the middle of it. Evan died. He _died_, Edward." She was gasping through her sobbing.

My heart stopped at those words. An excruciating pain pierced through my heart, I gripped the window pane to steady myself, feeling as if my legs would give out at any moment.

"Wh-what?" My bottom lip trembled as my first tear slipped down my cheek. "No, Bella...no. Please don't say that. Don't tell me that. No Bella. No...Not .._him_!" I pleaded with her, starting to cry.

"I know Edward, I know. I'm sorry! " She cried back.

"Not Him!" I punched the wall not even feeling the pain I would surely feel later. But I'd rather feel this pain a million times than the pain currently in my heart.

"Edward! What's wrong man!" Jasper ran to my side and turned me around to face them. They were all staring at my red, blotchy face with wide eyes. "Why him?" I sank to the ground my knees finally giving out.

"Why who, what? Edward's what's going on? Why are you crying?" Jasper grabbed my face and forced me to look at him. I glared at him. "Don't touch me! Get off! I need a ticket!" I pushed him off and searched my apartment for my laptop.

"Edward! Calm Down!" Emmett roared.

"Jasper!" Alice ran to him and helped him up. Rose just stared not knowing what was happening.

I spotted it on the coffee table, where I had left it this morning. I booted it up.

"Bella, I'm ...I'm coming home." I said as I bought the first ticket to Tampa. It was a Red-eye. It was scheduled to leave at 4am. I would be getting to Tampa around 6am. "My flight is tonight."

"Good because we need you here. I'll be there. What time will you arrive?" She sniffled.

"Around 6:13am." I read off, She sniffled again. "Ok. I need to go help your parents. Call me before you leave and again after you get off your flight." I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "I will."

I hung up and ran to my room and started packing my clothes and other things I would need while I was away. I packed my hoodie. **It was late October**.

Why my brother? We had just turned twenty-four. He hadn't even lived yet. As I was packing I kept getting flashbacks of us when we were younger. Soon enough I was panting. I was growing angry. I pulled up my sleeve and fingered my bracelet.

"Edward? Who's this? and why does he look like you?" I stalked out into the living room and flashed my eyes towards what Alice was pointing at. My screen saver on my laptop.

The screen saver was of me and Ev with Bella laughing at our beach house in Sarasota when we were 13. Back when me and Evan were scrawny and spouting upwards and Bella was growing into her new body.

Her family always vacationed with us. That picture was taken by my mom on one of the trips. I was on Bella's left, my arm hanging loosely of her shoulder,Bella was in the middle with each of her arms wrapped around me and Evan's waists,Evan was on her right with his arm around her neck. Bella's arm had snaked around my waist and held my other hand.

I would never forget that memory. We were posing for a picture my mom asked for when our dad and Charlie ,Bella's dad, had gotten up and were trying to make us laugh and ruin our picture by doing duck walks and quacking obnoxiously, while doing that they had duck walked into each other and fell back on their asses. They were sitting there laughing when Bella's mom, Renee, walked out with a pitcher of lemonade and some already filled cups on a tray, not seeing them sitting on the floor walked into them and ended up dropping the lemonade all over them.

My mom laughing along with us had been lucky and caught us while laughing. I hadn't even looked at my screensaver when I used my laptop. My glare disspitated as fresh tears formed in my eyes.I shook my head and placed my palms on my temples trying to get the flashbacks to stop.

"That's my brother. My twin. Evan." I choked out. Jasper approached my cautiously." You never mentioned a brother Edward." I glared at him through my tears. "I know."

"Edward will you please tell us why you're packing and crying and yelling and what's going on?" Alice shrieked at me.

"I need to go home. My family needs me. I need them. I need her,"I pointed at Bella's face on my screen saver." She's my best friend besides Evan, she knows me like the back of her hand,she can hug me and everything's alright again.I need that right now and...I need him to be-," I whispered moving my hand to Evan's face holding onto my necklace tightly with my other fist.

"I need to see for myself, because it can't be true. He can't...he can't be gone. I talked to him just the other day! He left me a message saying that he was coming to visit once he got his vacation days. I was going to take my brother out and show him more of New York. I was going to show him the studio." I rubbed my arm over my eyes wiping away my tears.

They looked at me with sadness then turned to my brother's face. I turned off the laptop and slammed it shut,taking it and its cord and packing it into my travel case.

I put it next to my duffel bag on my bed and changed out of my clothes. I started pacing my eyes kept darting back and forth trying to really process what was going on. My brother...was dead? I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I could feel the pain it caused me but I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of living in a world where my brother wasn't doing the same.

I grew angry again. HE can't leave me. My brother wouldn't do that. He promised me that he would stay safe. I snatched up a picture that I had framed of us from when were 17 and tried to yell out my frustration when I saw his face. He was smiling in the picture, I was smiling too. I wanted to smile with him again. I tossed the picture onto my bed and grabbed my stuff.

"Stay here if you want. I'll be back soon. Maybe. I gotta go." I said as I zoomed past them and to the front door. I made sure I had my ipod,keys and phone in my pocket as I ran down the stairs. "Edward!" they yelled after me but I kept running to my car. I threw my stuff in the back seat and drove to the airport.

When I got there I got my luggage checked in and went to my flights' gate to wait. I called bella while I was there. We didn't speak about Evan. Instead she distracted me. We talked about music. The hours flew by and soon it was time for me to board my plane. During the flight I stared out the window my mind far from me.

I called her when we landed and she said she was already there waiting. She was standing there in her black wifebeater,ripped jeans,scuffed up chucks and yellow hoodie, she had her ray bans hanging from her top.

When I saw her by the luggage carousal. Tears sprung into my eyes and I saw the same in her eyes. It had been so long, Seeing her reminded me of when Evan and I used to spend our days just playing with her on the playground. We would just run around, climb on top of the slide and the monkey bars and declare ourselves the kings/queen of the world,we would push her swing high,we would chase her and lift her up into the air and spin her around. We would all sit on the tire swing and just talk for hours on end. We loved that tire swing. We engraved our names on the tree when we were fourteen. E.A.M & E.A.M. & B.M.S. Best Friends Forever '99

The playground was more fun in the middle of the night when the sky was dark and the stars were bright. Even at 16 we loved to play on the playground and lay back on the grass and stargaze.

She bit her trembling bottom lip as she ran to me. I scooped her up into a great big hug and hugged her tightly as we silently cried into each other's shoulders'.

"It's good to have you back Quailman." She whispered her voice muffled by my shirt. I smiled softly at my old nickname.

"It's good to see you again, Patti." she snorted at her old nickname as she pulled back. Our grins faded when our eyes met, because...we both knew that our Skeeter would never butt in again. She reached up to wipe away a tear that I hadn't noticed slipped from my eye. She knew what I was thinking but she didn't say anything, because if there was something to be said, Skeeter would have said it.

We turned and waited for my bag to pass around on the carousel. Once I had it in my hand I turned towards her. "I'm good."

"Great, then let's get you to Casa de Masen." I nodded and we started heading out. She abruptly stopped and dug through her hoodie pocket and pulled out another pair of RayBan's...My old RayBan's, the ones I had let her keep back when we were dating. She handed them to me smiling. I quirked my eyebrow at them.

"It's Florida, remember? You're gonna need these." I shook my head "Of Course." I took them and put them on. Even though the sun was just barely rising. She smiled and reached for my hand. I held her hand as we walked to her car.

"Finally got rid of Bart I see." I commented pointing towards her shiny Midnight Black Mini Cooper S. It was cute, it was perfect for her.

"Yeah, Bart Master of Demolition and Destruction finally broke down on me and died a few weeks after you left. Damn old Clunker hunk of junk!" She smiled fondly. "But he was totally bad ass." I chuckled as I got in.

"That he was. Remember when we were on that date, the one where you dragged me out of the small coffee shop, and we walked the Promenade down by the pier. And during our date Evan calls us to come save him from the angry boyfriend of the girl he took out to a movie. The girl he _thought_ was single. He was running through the streets by the movie theater when we found him." I laughed remembering.

"With Jacob on his tail, the look on Evan's face when he heard us calling out his name from inside Bart's cab was priceless. It was like he saw the blinding light shine from above and the angels were singing Hallelujah. Then like he was James Bond or some shit he really booked it and jumped into the bed of my truck, While I was still driving!" She laughed as she sped into the next lane on the highway.

"Ha! Oh no the best part was when you abruptly stopped after he jumped on, because you were laughing so hard,that he flew into the back window and hit his head. You had just stopped laughing when Evan jumped back up and banged on the top shouting "Go, Go, Go!" which sent you into another fit of giggles and when Evan started bouncing in the back cause he knew he was about to be pounded on when you finally started driving off...slowly! It was the funniest thing ever!" I chuckled.

"Oh my god! He was so annoyed at me! But my father is the Chief Of Police of Tampa! He would have had my ass handed to me if I got a speeding ticket. I had to follow the speed limit! It wasn't my fault Evan didn't bother to ask the girl if she had a boyfriend before taking her out!" I shook my head grinning from ear to ear at her ranting.

"We're making Leah sound like a slut. She was just trying to make Jacob jealous enough to be a more attentive boyfriend. Even though she did use my brother. It was a fun night, Evan almost pissed himself, we made two great friends and they ended up together anyways."

"That's the weirdest story ever. It's also weird how those two became some of our closest friends, just a few days later." I nodded.I was still to this day baffled how Evan and Jacob became best friends after that day.

"Oh! speaking of Jacob and Leah, I forgot to tell you during our last phone call but they had their baby girl in May. Take a look, she's a real cutie. She has Leah's nose and eyes and she got Jacob's big adorable goofy grin. " She nodded towards her phone that was resting in its holder plugged into her radio. Passion Pit was playing. I reached for her iPhone and scrolled through her pictures. My eyebrows rose in shock.

"Wow, she's beautiful. She's so big, I'm a horrible uncle. What's her name?" I laughed a little as I looked at the picture of Evan smirking, holding the baby girl and giving Jake a thumbs up while Jake laughed in the corner of the picture.

Bella giggled. I looked over at her tilting my head to the side in confusion. "It's kinda funny."

"What is?"

"Her name. I'm sure she's gonna give them hell when she's older about it. I know I would. Her name is May." It took me a second to figure it out. I scoffed. " So her birthday is in May and they named her May. That's great, very original. I guess they did that so they wouldn't forget which month she was born in." I chortled. She chuckled.

"Well to be fair her name is actually Maya Suzanne Suzanne is for Leah's mom. But they call her May for short." I tilted my head from side to side trying out the name. "Maya Suzanne Black..Maya...Suz..susie? Maya...Ma-...May...Eh if I was her I'd kick their ass." I shrugged as Bella playfully punched me.

I scrolled through her pictures."You mind?" I asked waving her phone at her.

She shook her head."I've got nothing to hide. But I do have some pretty kick ass pictures in there." I thumbed through the pictures of May, I stopped on the family picture.

Jake had his left arm over his older twin sisters' Rachel and Rebecca's shoulders,they were standing in front of Billy. Behind Billy was Jake's two older, tall, russet-skinned, wide-grin, estranged brothers' Paul and Sam. Billy Black, Jake's dad who was a fairly tall Native American man with long salt and pepper hair; Had his right arm around Jake's shoulders his left around his small wife Sarah. Jake's right arm was wrapped around Leah who was holding baby May, Her petite and plump mom Sue had her arm around Leah's back and the other was caressing May's face, on Sue's other side was Leah's younger brother(by one year) Seth who for once was grinning and not throwing up the peace sign or sticking his tongue out like he was part of KISS,His father Harry had his hand firmly clamped onto Seth's shoulder(ahh so that's why he was behaving in the picture). They were all grinning.

"I remember Sue, she was hilarious when it came to putting up with Jake and Seth put together. Those two were annoying as hell. They drove Leah and Sue up a wall." I shook my head smiling.

I scrolled through Bella's other pictures. Smiling when I saw pictures of her around Tampa with her other friends, with her cousins who I remember meeting a few times. I also saw pictures that we took at the bars and walking around Tallahassee around the time that Jake and Leah had their wedding. I saw picture we took with the bride and groom on the day of the wedding.

In one picture Evan and I were each carrying one of Jake's legs, all three of us grinning at the camera. Evan and I were dressed the same with our suits, so our being identical really stood out. Evan was his best man.

Jake's older brothers' Paul and Sam weren't close with him. They got along but they barely ever hung out. They moved away after college and Jake who was 16 at the time barely ever saw them again after that. They returned for his wedding but Jake invited them strictly cause they were family. He told us that Evan and Me were more like his brothers than they were. So it was only fair that his Best Man would be my brother. I felt a sudden pang go through me. My own brother would never be my best man. He would never say his speech or help calm my nerves or keep me from making an ass out of myself by drinking too much. He wouldn't embarrass me in his speech by recounting old stories. The thought alone made me want to die. I really needed my brother. I shook my head vigorously clearing my head and moving on. I didn't want to cry again.

I stopped when I saw a picture of her hugging a guy I didn't recognize. I'm not going to deny what I felt at that moment. I knew it was entirely inappropriate to feel that way seeing as we had broke up so many years ago. But Bella had always been special to me, I've always loved her. When I saw that guy's arm wrapped around her waist I felt pure jealousy and hatred towards the unknown smiling guy hugging a laughing Bella to his side.

"You ok there Ed?" I snapped my eyes up to her face, she was quirking her eyebrow at me. I shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, i'm good." I sighed.

"He's just an old friend. Remember Ben? Ben Cheney?" I looked up to find her smiling at me.

"uh yeah."

"That's him. He's married to Ang. That picture was taken a few weeks ago. I saw him at Target, He was doing some good husband chores and buying her Pickles and some more Pine-Sol. Apparently Pregnant Ang has a thing for the way Pine-Sol smells and she loves eating pickles..all the time...with everything. It was their 7th jar that week and it wasn't even Thursday." I flushed knowing she saw through me. I smiled sheepishly at her and she smiled back warmly. I placed my hand over her and she turned her hand to entwine our fingers.

She sighed after a long silence while she drove through the city. I looked over at her curiously and saw that she was biting her lip.

"What's wrong?"

She scrunched up her eyebrows before taking another left turn and parking at a park I recognized.

"I know it's gonna sound pathetic, but I don't feel embarrassed to tell you this because you are my best friend. After you left Edward, there was no one else. Nobody else could compare to you. I tried to date again after a year or two and it never felt right. That's when I decided that nobody could ever take your place in my heart and that you were always gonna be _The One_to me. I don't want anybody else." She was still biting her lower lip. I reached out and smoothed my thumb over her lip freeing it from her teeth.

"Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself. Would it be weird if I said that I felt the same way for you?" Her eyebrows rose in shock. "Wh-what?"

I nodded, "Yeah, after you I didn't want anybody else. At first I just thought that it was because I was so far from you and my brother and that I missed you. I tried to date again after a year or two but like you said it never felt right. So I didn't try to date again, I felt perfectly content with being alone. It was about a few months ago when we were on the phone that I realized that I still loved you, B. Being back here with you, seeing you at the airport after so long. It felt so good, when I hugged you the pain in my chest that's been deteriorating since I heard about Evan, It felt alright again. Being with you feels right, I haven't felt like this in the longest time. I feel better when I'm with you. I'm myself when I'm with you. I need you, B." I could feel the wetness in my eyes.

"I need you too, E." And with that she pulled my face to hers. Our lips met and everything was alright in the world.

We smiled shyly at each other after we broke apart. I opened the car door and got out. I walked around to the driver side and opened her door for her, holding my hand out for her to take. She took my hand and I led her to the swings. The three sets of swings. Mine was the one on the right, Bella's was the middle one and Evan's was always the left one. I frowned at the thought.I knew I should go home, I knew that I should've been thinking about my dead twin brother. But I couldn't, not now. I needed a moment to get my head on straight, to become stronger, for my parents.

I avoided looking at the empty swing that hung still on the far left. I noticed that Bella closed her eyes and turned her swing to face the side of mine. I sat in mine and stared forward, refusing to look to the left.

"I'm glad your back. I-...I really missed you when you were gone. It was different, quiet...lonely." I hung my head in shame, truly feeling the guilt. Someone else's life didn't just pause when you left and resumed when you came back, they lived every second of everyday. Just like you.

"I missed you too. More than you can imagine. I really regret leaving you know. If I had known...that _this_ was going to happen. I would have never left. I would have grit my teeth and learned to ignore my father's incessant pushing. Just to have more time. If I knew this back then, I would have done everything in my power to stop my brother from going to work that day. If only I could turn back time." I looked over at her to see fresh tears in her eyes.

I smiled softly and shook my head at her. "No, don't. Don't cry, B. Please, not yet."

She sniffed and wiped a small tear from her eye and nodded.

I rocked back and forth on the swing. She followed my lead. I looked over at her to see her facing the ground but with her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. I decided to close my eyes too and just feel the swaying of the swing and the cool breeze on my face.

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_**Early December**_

_**1999**_

_"Hey Ed, What do you get when you mix a Hippo, an Elephant and a Rhino?" Evan questioned, grinning from his swing._

_Bella laughed softly and shook her head._

_I tilted my head to the side, in deep thought._

_"Hmm.."_

_Bella giggled again bumping her swing with mine._

_"Ah, I dunno Evs, What?" I frowned, I was usually good at riddles._

_Evan grinned wider and shrugged. "__HellIfIKnow!" He __chortled._

_I shook my head as Bella laughed with him. 'Hell-If-I-Know.'_

_"Evs, you need to stop watching so much Boy Meets World. I think you're getting stuck on Eric's sense of humor. Which is not a good thing." I teased. _

_"That wasn't even from the show! I'll stop watching, the day you stop comparing yourself and Bell-bottoms to Cory and Topanga." He quirked an eyebrow at me._

_"Ah, No. How about we settle this the old-fashioned way. The way real men settle this." I stood up stretching._

_Evan's eyes glowed as he jumped to his feet. "Race, bro?"_

_I nodded._

_He got into his running stance. "From here to the house and back. Whoever is first has to stop watching BMW." I pouted, that was his favorite show. I know, weird. _

_He always thought of him being Shawn leaving me with being Cory, There was no way I was picking Eric. I don't care how funny he was, and he was extremely funny, there was just no way I was going to pick him. The guy was a moron._

_"Fine, Prepare to miss out on the new episode of Boy Meets World, Eddie." I nodded placating him. I looked back and winked at the smirking Bella. _

_"Ready..." I started._

_"Set..." Evan said as he started getting antsy in his spot._

_"Go!" I ran a few steps, while he took off running, laughing like a maniac the whole time._

_"Ha! Ed, you won't catch up! You may be the faster one. But since you're older you get slower first!" He cackled over his shoulder, still running home._

_I laughed as he kept running. "Sometimes I worry about him. He wants to be a cop and yet look at the way he thinks about things. We're the same age!" I said, walking backwards towards a giggling Bella._

_"You're mean, I like the way his mind works. He's the opposite of you. You think before you speak and he's the opposite. Poor Evs will be at the house by the time he realizes you're not there." she chuckled punching me playfully in the arm._

_"Yup, then he'll probably stay there or come back and whack me in the head." _

_I leaned towards her and kissed her, taking her by surprise. But she smiled and kissed me back nonetheless._

_..._

_With our foreheads and swings touching, Evan decided to make his entrance. "Sorry! Totally didn't mean to be a mood-killer." He held up his hands in surrender. One had a baggie and the other had a chewed cookie in it._

_"I brought cookies. I could just slide them over to you and vanish into the dark." I rolled my eyes good naturedly and Bella smiled. "Skeeter you're not a mood-killer. Plus we have stars to watch." I nodded, agreeing with Bella. Evan smiled at Bella._

_"What kind of cookies you bring, Skeets?" He shook the baggie at me._

_"Chocolate chip, Sugar cookies, and Peanut butter." He wiggled his eyebrows. _

_"Yum." I grabbed a sugar cookie. Bella grabbed a sugar cookie too. I grabbed Bella's hand and laid down on the grassy hill behind the swing set. Evan placed the cookies down before laying down across from Bella. We were stretched out, our heads forming a circle._

_We laid there just taking in the beauty of the many stars in the sky tonight. Stargazing was my favorite thing in the world to do with these two. I could stare at the stars with Bella and Evan and never be tired of it. It was the best feeling in the world to star gaze with them. We just... got each other._

_After a while of comfortable silence, we started talking about the star formations we were so familiar with by now._

_"I see Orion's Belt." Evan traced the formation with his finger._

_"I see Lepus." I pointed mine out._

_"I see Columba." Bella chirped, Holding up two pointer fingers and connecting her thumbs, forming a box around her formation._

_"It's been awhile since we've seen these." I noted._

_"It's Winter. That's their season." Evan started copying Bella's movements._

_"Hey! Look! Quick!" Bella gleefully shouted pointing towards her formation._

_I looked, I gasped. "Whoa!"_

_A Shooting Star._

_"Quick make a wish."_

_I shut my eyes and wished._

_After I finished wishing, I opened my eyes and the shooting star was gone. But I was ecstatic that I had gotten to see one, finally._

_"What you two wish for? I wished to have true love in my future. Like the forever-kind." Bella reached out and entwined her fingers with mine. I smiled squeezing her hand, gently._

_"I wished to become the Best FBI Agent ever. I want to do something in this world. I want to help make a difference. I want to be like the next Mother Theresa or Bob Marley. I want to be known as a person who did whatever they could to help people in this world." Evan whispered reverently._

_I smiled, My brother would be great because...He already was._

_"That's great Evs. That sounds Fantastic. I hope it comes true." Bella whispered back, trying to not disturb the silence._

_"It will come true. I believe in you, Evs." I said, confidently. _

_"Thanks, You really think so?" He tucked his hands underneath his head._

_I nodded. "Yeah." If anyone could do it, it was Evan._

_"Of course Evs." Bella stated firmly._

_"What you wish for Eddie?" I squinted at the sky._

_"I wished to become a huge rock star. Maybe like the Beatles or Kurt Cobain." I lied._

_They laughed."Of course."_

_I smiled. I really wished for something else._

_I wished to live in this moment forever. But if I couldn't I would keep it in my memory forever. Because life is too short. It's best to enjoy the little things, and live in the moment._

_And right now I was enjoying the company of my brother and best friend._

_And right now I was living in this moment, and loving every second of it._

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A tear had slipped from my eye, then another swiftly followed. I opened my eyes squinting against the sun. My eyes had been closed for too long, they had to get used to the sun again.

Bella reached over to wipe the tears. " B..."

"Yeah?" She whispered.

I gulped, trying to get the lump out of my throat. "Remember when we were fourteen. You, me and Evan were out late at night. He told me that elephant,rhino and hippo joke. We got to talking about Boy Meets World, had a race then he brought back cookies even though I had ditched him?"

She smiled fondly, remembering.

"Yeah, That night we saw a shooting star for the first time ever. We all made wishes and shared them with each other. If I remember correctly Evan wanted to make a difference in this world, become the next Mother Theresa or Bob Marley, He wanted to be the Greatest FBI agent ever. I wanted to find the forever kind of true love and you wanted to be a famous rock star." She chuckled.

"I lied."

"You did?" she sounded confused.

"Yeah, I actually didn't wish for that, as hard as it is to believe."

"What did you wish for then?" She pushed.

"I wished...I wished to live in that moment with you two, forever. If I couldn't have that, Then I wished to never forget that night. Not the feelings, Not the love, Not the laughs and smiles. Not even how passionate Evs sounded about his wish, or how you held my hand when you told us yours." I said as another tear slipped down my cheek.

"Why didn't you tell us that?"

"Be-...Because I was afraid that it wouldn't come true. There's so many moments and memories from when we were younger that have faded and warped. I can barely remember most of them. That one stays clear in my mind, I can picture it so well I feel like i'm there again. Living in that moment again. I wish I could remember every second I ever spent with you and Evan." I frowned and kicked at the ground with the toe of my shoe.

" I miss him. Things will never be the same again." The tears flowed from my eyes.

" Oh Ed." She reached out and hugged my head to her chest, stroking and kissing my hair as she cried too.

I could tell she was crying because her tears fell onto my head.

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Bella parked in my parents' driveway. I got out and walked up to the door. Before I could even knock the door swung open and there stood my mother. Her eyes brimming with tears. She looked so unwell and so pale. She whimpered at the sight of me before reaching up and yanking me into a vice-grip hug. She clung tightly to my neck and I hugged her back just as tightly, feeling the wetness of her tears soak through my shirt.

All while hugging me she kept chanting in a broken whisper. "Evan, Evan, Where's my baby." tears sprung to my eyes.

I looked up and saw my dad watching us from the foyer. Shock prominent on his face.

"You're home." He whispered before he lunged forward and hugged us both tightly to him. Bella walked through the front door and approached our small, broken, crying family of now three and attached herself to our hug.

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**Day of the Funeral**

**October 28, 2009**

I didn't want to get up today. I knew that once I opened my eyes It would hit me, hard. I also knew that I couldn't not go, I couldn't refuse to go like I had refused to go when my parents asked if I wanted to go see him in the hospital morgue. What kind of question was that? How could they ask me that? Me, of all people!

I wasn't sick, I wasn't disturbed enough to want to go see him lying in a morgue full of other dead people. I didn't want to see him that way. If this was going to be the last time I saw my brother, I sure as hell wasn't going to let him be shown in a bad light.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. Today was going to be a hard day. I couldn't avoid today. I couldn't stay away from the funeral, I owed my brother a proper goodbye.

I walked into the shower avoiding looking in the mirror. I didn't want to see my face, I would be burying it's twin in just a few hours.

I took a shower and all the while I pretended that today was any other day. That it wasn't the day I would bury my brother. I allowed myself 10 minutes of peace.

I walked out with a towel around my waist, and brushed my teeth. I walked to my closet, grabbed my black suit, a white dress shirt and a black tie.

Dressing quickly, I walked to my parent's room casting a side glance at Evan's room. I paused my tie knotting and stared at his door. I knew he didn't live at home anymore but I felt like this would always be his home. I squinted at his door and decided to not go in there. I knocked on my parent's door.

"Come in." I head my mom's soft voice crack. I cringed and walked in.

"Hey, mom. You need any help?" I said with my hand still holding onto the door. She smiled softly at me but I could see that it hurt her to look at me. Her eyes were rimmed red, they had dark shadows underneath.

"Could you help me put on this necklace, Evvie bought it for me last Mother's Day." Tears springing into her eyes as she held it out to me. I nodded and stepped behind her to hook the necklace into place.

"There you go, mom."

"Thank you." She looked me in the eyes and I knew she meant it for not just her necklace but for coming home.

I nodded sadly. She reached up and tried to smooth my hair away from my face. "You both always had stubborn hair." I smiled. I heard a knock on the door and turned to see Bella standing there wearing a black dress, with a camera in her hand. She raised it up and took a picture, smiling as she checked it out.

"Hey," She said looking up.

"Hi, Bella dear. Are your parents here as well?"

Bella nodded. "They're downstairs talking with Edward Sr." My mom nodded, I bent to kiss my mom on the cheek and followed Bella into the hallway. Bella bit her lip as she stared at Evan's door.

"It hasn't sunk in yet, you know. I still feel like he's alive, and that I just haven't seen him." She ran her fingertips over his door. She smiled "This is where I gave him a wedgie for getting you in trouble when we were five." She murmured. I smiled.

"That's one of my first memories." I said remembering Evan crying when Bella pulled on his pants and underwear. I got sudden flashes of his face smiling and laughing.

"Mine too." I scrunched up my face, before I threw my fist at his door. The crack of the punch resonated in the air.

"Edward!" Bella screamed at me. I muffled my whimper as I shook my hand out, glaring at the door.

"Fucking Evan, You promised me you bastard. You said that you wouldn't get hurt, That you wouldn't die, That you would stay safe. You fucking liar! You lied to me! You ...didn't keep your promise." I rubbed my eyes with my sleeve. I ducked my head down and Bella wrapped her arms around my neck bringing me in for a hug. She kissed my cheek and stroked my hair.

"You ok?"

"Mmhm."

"Good, let's go get some ice for your hand." She grabbed my other hand and led me downstairs. Our parents stopped talking and watched as Bella made me sit on the breakfast stool and got me an ice pack. She wrapped the dish towel around it and gingerly grabbed my hand, pressing the ice onto my bruised knuckles.

"What did you do, Edward?" My mother asked tearfully. I glared at the countertop.

"I pun-...nothing. I did nothing."

"We'll meet you there. I want to get Edward to eat something." Bella cut in.

"Alright. See you in a little bit sweetie." My mom kissed my cheek as my dad squeezed my shoulder gently. Renee gave my hair a ruffle before walking off with my mother. Charlie cleared his throat and kissed his daughter's head. "I know it's hard, Ed. We all loved Evan. That kid could bring a smile to anyone's face. It's hurting all of us, But know that we're all here for you." He then surprised me by giving me a one-armed hug. Charlie wasn't one for emotional moments. But I was grateful for his attempt and full on hugged him back.

"Thank you." He nodded and clapped me on the back.

"Right, well I'd best be on my way. Renee must be wondering what's keeping me. See you kids at the Church." and with that he walked out of the kitchen.

Bella made me a sandwich. I ate it without really tasting it.

"Let's go to Starbucks before heading over there." she suggested, I stood and grabbed my keys to Evan's black Range Rover. We drove in silence to the nearest Starbucks. Bella wanted a Carmel Frappe and I got the same.

The guy who gave me the coffee looked familiar but I couldn't place him. He gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Edward?"

I nodded, confused.

"I don't think you remember me. We went to High School together. Well you three were Seniors but you and your brother saved me that one day at school from James Mathis and his crony who had it out for me. They were punching me against the lockers and you two swooped in. You got me out the way while your brother pounced on the other two. Your brother got hit by Laurent, you got pissed and decked him in the eye then went after James and Evan attacked Laurent." Oh, he was that freshman that was always getting picked on by James.

"No, yeah I remember you. Riley right?" he nodded.

"Yeah that's me. I never got to properly thank you and your brother that day. But Thank you. And, um, I'm really sorry about your brother. He was a great guy, he always came here and ordered what you just did." My nose twitched as I tried to smile.

"Thanks, He really was. His funeral is today. Try and come by eh?" He nodded. "I get off soon. I'll be there. I should pay my respects to him." I nodded and waved, driving off. I put on my RayBans, My nose still twitching.

Bella drank from her coffee. I turned on the radio, I didn't want to talk but I didn't want silence either. I glared at the radio. Fan-fucking-tastic. _Hear You Me_. Really Evs? Douche.

I switched it off and turned my attention to drinking my coffee. I had just finished it as we arrived at the church.

I parked and turned off the car, locking it as we walked up the steps to the Cathedral.

Bella took my hand as we opened the doors. Every head turned to face us as we walked in. I was glad I hadn't removed my RayBans. I stared ahead, avoiding everybody's pitying eyes and curious stare.

Slowly I walked up the aisle with Bella by my side. I nodded at Father Michael who was standing at the front. Clearly we had interrupted his speech. He smiled sadly at me and gestured for me to walk over to the casket. I clutched the bracelet that was in my pocket tightly. Clenching and unclenching my fist around it as I tried not to hyperventilate. My mind was catching up with what I was currently walking towards. I could feel everybody watching us, I could hear the cries echoing off the cathedral walls.

I finally reached his open casket. I hesitated in stepping closer, Bella's tightened her grip on my hand, giving me the courage that I needed. This would be the first time that I saw my brother since our birthday weekend. Since I found out that he died...

I hesitantly looked in hoping it wasn't my brother in there, though I knew that it was.

I gulped.

My brother, he looked so peaceful with a serene look on his face.

It was my brother's face, but not how I always remembered him to be. He always had a huge grin on his face with an excited gleam in his eyes. He was always excited for every little thing. He lived in the moment.

I heard a small whimper and my cheek felt wet. It wasn't until I felt Bella's fingertips wiping at my cheek that I realized that it was me who was crying. I blinked and shut my eyes tightly. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get rid of the tears. They kept coming back.

My heart felt like It was on fire, like it was going through shoot out of my chest at any moment. It hurt like hell, I felt like Evan's place in my heart was crumbling away. I clutched at my heart, refusing to let any more of his pieces leave me.

I took out the bracelet out of my pocket. It was his bracelet. The one I gave back to him six years ago. The black and green beaded bracelet that said Edward. I was wearing my Evan one. He wasn't wearing the bracelet when he died. Being on the job at the time, It wasn't allowed. They didn't want to give the criminals the upper hand or show them a weakness. I had found it in his office when Bella and I had gone there to pack up his stuff. I found it hanging off a picture frame of the both of us and Bella. It was our High school graduation picture. I kissed the bracelet and reached into the casket and put it on his right wrist. I flinched at the coldness of his skin. I patted his chest where his heart was.

" I-I love you, Evan. I'm so sorry that I didn't protect you, bro. You know that I would have taken that bullet for you in a heartbeat, Ev. I'm so incredibly sorry, I wish with all my heart and soul that I could bring you back. I need you. Remember I'm Yin, you're Yang. Without you I'm unbalanced. I'm lost without you... I'm really pissed at you for leaving me, Evan. You said you wouldn't die. You lied to me. Now how am I suppose to be your best man at your wedding? How are you suppose to be my best man at mine and Bella's wedding, huh? You're never gonna meet your nieces and nephews. How...How could you do this to mom? How could you do this to_ me! I hate you! _

**...**

**...**

God, I miss you.

We'll see each other again though, right? You promise to wait for me?" I paused pretending I heard him say 'Yeah, Ed. I'll wait.' I smiled through my tears.

"Goodbye for now, Evs. I'll see you soon."

I kissed his forehead, closed my eyes and blessed myself. "I love you so much, bro." I cleared my throat and straightened up. I wiped my eyes, I had removed my raybans when I approached his casket. I grabbed bella's hand as I put them back on.

She pulled on my hand and quietly whispered to Evan. "I love you Evvie. I miss you so much. God how I wish you weren't dead. You always wished you could fly, You would swing so high, but it was never enough. You wanted to reach the sky and touch the stars. Now you can. I hope you're okay Evvie and happy. I miss you everyday. I love you, Skeeter. I'll never let you go. Your place in our hearts will never be replaced, you'll always be our skeeter. I'll always remember you as the little green-eyed boy who loved the stars and was afraid of the big bad world but loved his mother's cookies and his twin brother. The little boy who would think the world of you and never judged you unless you did him wrong. You saw the good in everyone Evan, you taught us how everything no matter how bad, had a silver lining. Also the sweetest, caring, funny guy who smiled through the hard times and laughed when he wanted to cry and took risks and chances because he lived in the moment and enjoyed every single second on this earth. The boy with No regrets. I'll miss that boy. Rest In Peace, Evs. " She leaned forward and kissed his forehead and cheek then blessed her self.

We walked down the steps and to the front row where my parents and the Swans' were sitting. I sat down next to Bella and wrapped my arm around her, while she leaned into my chest and cried. I rested my cheek on her hair and tried to stop my tears.

Father Michael walked back up to his podium and cleared his throat.

"Ahm, Edward I'm so glad you could make it, my dear boy. As I was saying, It is with a heavy heart that we say our last goodbyes to our beloved Evan Ayden Masen. I've known this dear boy, little Bella Swan and young Edward, since they were babies. I've grown so attached to these three. Inseparable they were. Very respectful kids, such great personalities. But they were known to get into their fair share of mischief." He chuckled softly as everyone else tittered.

"I could go on and on about Evan, but I'm sure you would all like to hear from a person who knew him better than most of us know our own person would be Edward. For those of you who don't know Edward, He's Evan's twin brother. He moved to New York when he was eighteen, which is why many of you don't know him. Would you like to say a few words?" Father Michael gazed warmly at me. I nodded slightly.

"Come now my dear boy." he said, beckoning me towards the podium.

Bella gently squeezed my hand. I leaned over and kissed her cheek, straightened my tie and stood up. I could feel their eyes following me. Father Michael gave me a tight hug and allowed me to step up to the podium. I took my RayBans off as I looked up to face them. A few people gasped.

"He looks just like him..."

"Same face..."

"Same eyes..."

I swallowed hard.

"Hi, um Hello, I'm Edward Masen. Evan was my identical twin brother as you can tell by my face. Even though Evs looked far more older and was more mature than I was, he was my younger brother. My mother always told me to look after him and I did...I just couldn't this time.

I loved him a lot. My brother... was like no other. He understood me like no one else could. I guess that was because of the twin sync thing, eh?" I chuckled hoarsely.

"We balanced each other out. Yin and Yang. Evan was the peacemaker, who smoothed things out at home when tension and tempers ran too high. I could count on him for anything. He always had my back and I had his. We really were inseparable. It was rare that you'd see me without him and vice versa. It's hard know thinking of him as gone. I can't...seem to wrap my head around it. It hurts so much. I just never learned how to live without my brother. I don't know if I can. Thinking about it causes me so much pain. The pain is nearly enough to kill me. My brother was the best guy. The best friend you could have ever wanted. I remember this one time when me, and Evan took Bella out for her sixteenth birthday. Evan set his sights on this girl...oh, the trouble that caused..." I laughed softly, a few people in the audience smiling, others laughing.

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"We are gathered here today to lay our beloved Evan Ayden Masen to rest and to celebrate the great life of our Evan. Though he is gone from our world he will not be gone from our hearts and thoughts. Remember him always as the man who was always there for you, the truly great man who risked his life for others' safety. As the man who stepped up and claimed responsibility for his child when others would have shied away. As the man who picked a flower for all the women in his life explaining why that flower reminded him of them. As the man who had such a positive look on life and took joy out of the smallest things and always no matter what let you know how much you meant to him. Because as his words were " Live your day like it's your last, because one day it will be. Have no regrets. Live in the moment and live it to the fullest." He could inspire anybody with his words and gentle heart.

Remember my dear boy as the boy who could brighten your day with just his presence, as the boy whose smile was so warm and contagious you couldn't help but smile back. As the boy who was so easily loveable, that all our hearts now have a missing piece where he belongs. Remember the kind-hearted teenaged boy that wasn't afraid to hug his father and kiss his mother's cheek in public..." I felt a small smile creep onto my face. Some of the people around chuckled quietly.

Bella squeezed my hand and I looked towards her and saw that her tear-stained face also has a small smile tugging at her lips. I brought her closer and hugged her tightly to my side, where she promptly burrowed her face into my jacket. I pressed my face into her hair trying so hard to not cry.

I looked around and saw Kris Bayle, Evan's ex-girlfriend from high school, hugging my nephew Jason to her side as they both cried. Evan had gotten her pregnant during his Junior year. They had already been broken up by the time she found out. They had remained good friends afterwards, they both reacted calmly at the news. Our family's showing them our support. He had gotten a job and helped out as much as he could. It was his kid and he manned up, and took responsibility for him. He did everything he could to be there for both. They had stayed broken up, not trying to ruin their friendship by trying to be together. They knew it would have done them no good and would had affected their son.

Jason Evan Masen, was now seven years old. He had his mom's black hair and Evan's green eyes and dimpled smile. His cheeks were flushed and streaked red from his tears that were still running down his cheeks. His unruly black hair had been combed forward and spiked in the front. His hands were gripping her right hand tightly as he tried to muffle his cries, his eyes locked on my brother's coffin. Kris's hand nudged him and he looked up briefly before looking straight at me.

My heart broke all over again at his penetrating stare. His bottom lip quivered and he hid his face into his mom's coat. I looked up and saw Kris nod sadly at me and stroke the back of Jase's hair as he cried.

"...such a dreamer he was. As a young boy he was so obsessed with the stars, I was so sure he was going to become an astrologist. Oh boy, did he dream big..." I saw his two friends from the bureau and three others standing in a line wearing their uniforms with rifles by their sides. Another man tall and broad-shouldered stepped forward. He raised his rifle and aimed at the sky. "Ready,"

They started lowering Evan into the ground. I felt my chest constrict. My breaths were coming in pants now.

_No._

"Aim,"

_Please not yet..._

"Fire."

_I don't want to say goodbye._

I flinched at the shots.

Repeat. Ready, Aim, Fire.

Ready, Aim, Fire.

Ready,

Aim,

Fire.

...

"...The most warm, loving, kind-hearted boy you could ever have met, always a shoulder of comfort for another. Such a people pleaser, I remember how it pained him to see the people he loved hurt. How much it saddened him to be so far from his twin..." The pain in my chest deepened as I felt a lone tear make it's way down my cheek. A few more quickly falling until I couldn't stop. Bella, feeling my tears, reached up and hugged my head to her shoulder, hiding me.

I moved the raybans to the top of my head before they cut into my cheek and hugged Bella tighter when I heard my mom's anguished sobs. "Bella, Belly...Not him...Bring him back bella. Don't let him be gone." I pleaded softly into her neck. Her broken sob broke my heart further. "I can't Eddie, I wish-I wish I could." She cried into my ear.

I peeked over her shoulder and saw that Evan's coffin was already lowered to the ground. I gave her a squeeze and reached into my front pocket, taking out the letter I had written to him a while ago but never got around to mailing it. Maybe now he could get it.

I let go of Bella and stepped forward wiping my eyes and trying to avoid the looks of pity everyone else had for me. Father Michael squeezed my shoulder as I walked forward and crouched down in front of his plot.

_I'm sorry I never sent this to you on time. I'm sorry you never knew that I, too, loved you just as much as you loved me, Twin. I know I left and I now know that it hurt you. I never knew it hurt you. I'm so sorry. It hurt me too. I regret leaving, I regret not telling you more often that I loved you and I missed you. I'll take care of Jase, kay? I hope you get this letter, Evan. I really hope you get it. Because I really hope you'll know how much you meant to me little brother. You'll never know now how it was you that helped me through it all. I don't know how I would have gotten through everything, how I would have kept on living if it wasn't for you. Thank you for guiding me. Thank you for looking out for me. I don't know if you knew this but, you saved my life so many times. Thank you for saving me. I'm just so fucking sorry I couldn't save you. _

_I'm sorry_

_You were the best brother anybody could ever have had. I miss you. God, I love you little brother. Goodbye Evan. For now._

I did the sign of the cross as I felt another tear run down my face. I took one last look at the enclosed letter that read _Evan_ on the cover before dropping it into the grave, it landed right in the center atop the casket. Bella came to my side and kissed a white rose before dropping it in. I felt her grab my hand and tug me up. I grabbed the shovel from one of the grave diggers and shoveled some dirt into the plot. I saw Jake and Seth step forward and dropping their own roses into the plot. Leah handed baby May to her mother before walking towards the plot and dropping her rose in. They all grabbed a shovel and together we said our goodbyes to my brother and buried him.

It was so quiet, everything sounded muffled. It sounded as if everything was put on mute. I saw but didn't hear my mother's bawling when she saw us crying and shoveling dirt onto Evan. I could only hear the stroke of the shovel.

We stopped when Bella couldn't take it anymore and threw her shovel away from her and started crying so hard and pounding on the ground. Beating the ground and damning Evan before apologizing and crying for her _brother, her Evvie, _to come back. Her anguish caused everyone pain, caused tears to spring into dry eyes. I picked Bella up as Renee ran forward to hold her daughter.

The grave was full to the brim with dirt. Slowly people started leaving, some bawling others stony-faced and consoling, some going home. Family and close friends were coming to our house. Charlie and Renee were standing by my dad and my mom trying to comfort Bella. Jake was holding Leah in his arms while they both silently cried. Seth cast another gloomy look at my brother's headstone before rubbing his eyes, shaking his head and running over to his mom and hugging her tightly. I kissed my palm and set in on Evan's headstone.

_Evan Ayden Masen_

June 20, 1985- October 23, 2010

Beloved Son, Brother, Friend, Father

"The sky is the limit, Always aim for it. Always."

Then suddenly a storm rolled in and the sky opened up and the rain poured down on us. I let my tears mix with the rain. Charlie ducked from under the cover of Renee's open umbrella and ran over to me handing me another opened umbrella.

My mother, still sniffling, set a white and a red rose on the ground close to his headstone. She placed a kiss on his headstone. "I love you baby."

Kris and her brother , Gavin, stepped up after my mother walked away. Kris was sniffling softly into her tissue and holding onto her brother's arm. Jase, who I hadn't noticed before, was standing beside me now holding a white rose and the mug he had made for Evan in his art class. The mug was black with _Best Daddy _sloppily written in blue. He bent down and placed the mug that held the rose on Evan's grave.

"I love you, daddy." He whispered tearfully, his shoulders trembling.

I crouched down behind him and lightly squeezed his shoulder. He whipped around to face me, sniffling, with new tears streaming down his face. "Hi uncle Eddie." He launched himself into my arms and I hugged him tightly. I stood and carried him. He buried his face in my neck. "I miss my daddy." He cried softly.

My lip quivered. "Me too, Jase. I miss him a lot." I closed my eyes trying not to let any more tears leak out and kissed his temple.

"I love you, Jase. Don't forget that uncle Eddie is always here for you." I said, kissing his head again. He nodded and wriggled out of my arms. " I love you too, Uncle Edward." Then he ran into his mom's arms as she carried him away.

My father nodded towards the cars to let me know they were leaving. His eyes were blotched red, I had seen my father cry more times this week than I ever had growing up. He led my almost comatose mother back to the limo, holding the umbrella over their heads. Charlie and Renee tried to follow my parents with Bella in tow but she broke free and ran towards me, clinging to my side. Her parents nodded at me and left with my parents. Jake and Leah walked up and stood beside me and Bella. There we stood, everyone from our old group, in the pouring rain, staring at the group's only missing member's headstone, trying to figure out why Evan was taken from us. Trying to enjoy the rain because we knew that Evan would have loved it. We all loved the rain. But Rain could put a certain smile on Evan. A smile only for when it was raining. I could almost hear his words from when we were thirteen.

_"The rain is wonderful. Gives you a different look on things. Makes the world so much more beautiful, Ed." _I felt a small smile find it's way onto my face as a chilly breeze encircled us and I imagined that it was Evan hugging us goodbye.

"We Love You too, Evan."

The wind whistled back.

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**A/N: This just about killed me. I wrote this instead of my essay due for my American Lit. class, Lol. This is my first [solo]story ever uploaded onto here, but not the first I've written. I'm kind of nervous about this. I hope you liked it. :) **


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